The sad tale of my inability to become a drug addict started on Monday. I woke up with that itching, swelling sore throat that promises no good and a blocked nose that made it sound like I was trying to do a bad french accent. However, I soldiered on and went to work all the same. This might have been my first mistake.
By the time I was heading home my nose was well and truly red, my eyes running, my throat painful, and my head foggy. And so, I did what normal people do in the situation, I stopped in at the pharmacy to pick up some nasal decongestants.
Now, for all of you who are not Australians, let me briefly explain as I'm not sure that it is the same elsewhere in the world. I have used the brand Sudafed as my nasal decongestant all my life. The little pills taste horrible if you leave them for more than a second in your mouth (which as a child was quite upsetting as I was an awful tablet swallower.. actually, can even now tell how stressed and tired I am by how much trouble it takes me to get tablets down), but worked wonders.
However, nefarious people it turns out had been using them to make meth, and so in their wisdom, the company brought out another version without the pseudoephedrine which made them great. According to testing the results should be the same, but of course to anyone using them, they are not. Now the good kind of drug can still be purchased, but they have to be specifically requested and can be denied.
The only problem with this: whenever you need a nasal decongestant just happens to be the period in your life when you most look like a drug addict.
So on Monday I went in, not thinking at my best, and asked for some Sudafed. I then followed this up with, 'but I want the good stuff.' This does not at all sound like some line out of a TV crime show. The lady kindly looks at me and then asks if I want Night and Day or just the ordinary tablets. This was a bit beyond my ability to decide, and I ended up saying 'I don't care, just give me the drugs.' I fully admit, now, this was not a great follow up.
At this point she asked for my drivers license. Not a great sign that I was instilling confidence. She then asked me if I was taking any other medication, and I told her of the medication I have been on and off for 15 years. She then looks at me and disappears to discuss with the pharmacist. He then comes out and in a very fatherly voice informs me that he is not going to give me the Sudafed, because there is a small chance it might react with my medication (pah! I've been taking both for 15 years! Not dead yet). Instead, he was going to give me some Eucalyptus Oil.
Eucalyptus Oil? Serious? I came in asking for drugs, and you give me aromatherapy?
Of course I bought the oil, then went to the supermarket and bought the other Sudafed, grumbling to myself the whole time.
The point of this story? Well, first that I'm a sucky drug addict. Second, I'm now afraid to go outside as I'm sure I'm going to be mobbed by hungry koalas, and third I apologise for not posting all week, I've been curled up in bed feeling sorry for myself.