Quick note from Buffy before continuing: just as I write this the blog is on 3999 pageviews! Pretty exciting. Thanks for all the support, and enjoy this second half to yesterday's post.
Only half the song was completed when I played it (incredibly hesitantly) in company for the first time – for me, the person to hear it first is always my mum. I was happy with what I had, but after I finished my mini recital, and a couple of small tears were shed (from both parties), I got a feeling of accomplishment– ‘When you know, you know’ – and from that point, the song snowballed. I finally had that definite direction in which to take the lyrics.
So, I found myself up on stage at my next gig, two weeks later, feeling more terrified than usual when it was time to play this particular song. Though I had approval from my ‘inner circle’ (that is, my parents, sisters, a couple of friends and my Number 1 Fan), I was seriously doubting whether I should even be performing it, or whether it would be received well by the rest of the audience. I felt it was the best song I had written, but I’m not used to being so open and personal about myself in a performance setting – after all, this song had such strong and private significance, was it even suitable for a public forum?
But apparently the audience appreciated honesty more than I initially gave them credit for. When a one of my closest friends came up to me afterwards and said “I really get it, Regs. I completely get it,” that was what really sealed the deal in my mind – that by putting the truth out there, and by presenting people with a side of me that perhaps they haven’t seen before, I was able to elicit an emotional response through my music. And if I thought the feeling of finishing a song was a high in itself, the moment where someone is explaining how they connected to and empathised with the content of a song that you’ve created for yourself is a hundred thousand times more gratifying.
To me, music is honesty. It has purpose, whether we are conscious of it or not. And as cliché as this is going to sound, I truly feel as though every time I sing ‘Ode to Honesty’, regardless of whether it’s in front of others or just for myself, I find a little more conviction in the words I’m sharing. A little more passion for music in that I am able to show what I’m feeling. That I am taking small steps towards being a better person – a more open and honest individual, who’s a little more prepared and equipped to deal with what life wishes to throw down the line. I’m learning how to be more confident in myself and my song writing, and the more I realise that there is a chance that I have the smallest possible fraction of ability, and the more people seem to enjoy and react to my songs, I begin get the feeling that one day I could actually do this properly. But for now, I’m happy to wait and see.
Regan will be posting a video of the song in the next week, so check back here for a link!