Twisting Metal: Fighting Your Subconscious.

 

I have finally identified one of the causes of why I've suddenly slowed down in my writing so much.

All of November I've been working on the same story, just trying to get to 50,000 words, and admittedly I was sick in there for a few days so didn't write anything. However, there were hours and hours where I was at my computer, working away, strive and struggling, and after an hour I would look at it would be 500 words, or 800 words. Where, oh where were the days of 2,000+ words an hour? Why had my muse abandoned me? 

And the writing was painful, not just slow, but every sentence I wrote I would delete and try again, it was like trying to straighten out a flat piece of metal that just kept trying to curl. I would tell myself 'No, that's not what that character sounds like, she should be feeling this right now'. And so re-write. 

Now when I say it like that, does the problem seem obvious? Well, it wasn't obvious to me until last night when walking home from church I was throwing a little tantrum saying I didn't want to do it if it was going to be so hard. 

I then just got the image: what if my subconscious was trying to write a flat piece of narrative, but I was constantly getting in the way trying to twist the metal to match my views on what the character should be?

So fine, I said, you win little subconscious, I'm going to go home, get my laptop, and just sit down and write whatever you want to come out with. I won't stop you at all. You just have fun in your own little way, and I'll be the good little typist. 

Well, it took a bit to stop my elder getting in the way and just let my youth mixed with my muse and genius jump right in. I found myself deleting a sentence thinking 'that will never work' and then I made myself stop and retype it and give my inner child a chance to explain why they had done that.

And in 15 minutes I had more than I had written in an hour that morning. By the end of an hour and a bit I had written over 3,000 words. 

So tonight I tried the same thing. I got home from work having worked overtime, with my head a bit dead, so I downloaded a mediation/relaxation app on my phone and did 20mins relaxation. Don't know if it helped, but it didn't seem to hurt it.

I then opened up a blank document, closed my eyes and went for it. Annoyingly, to me at least, I ended up re-writing a whole lot of scenes that I had painstakingly knocked out previously. But after 2 hours I had 5,500 words, and they were better words than the ones I had drawn forth from my body like I was pulling out my own intestines. 

I then went through and replaced all the scenes, and as I took out about 3,000 words, I sort of don't feel I'm much ahead in the word count. But the scenes themselves are much better. Though the characters and their interactions are not what I thought! 

This type of writing is so much more relaxing, enjoyable, encouraging than what I had been doing for the rest of the month. At the end I feel refreshed, and curious to see what will happen next. So, just keep reminding yourself:

I'm just the typist, and my subconscious is the one digging for gold.

Thanks Anne Lamott. 

 

First Day of Holiday Writing.

So, for the past two months I've been telling myself that if I were writing full time I would get so much more done. I would have time to read, do my writing, exercise, update my blog, perhaps start one or two others, etc. But realistically I knew there was a good chance I would get even less done than I do now, because now I have to write in my spare time or else it won't get done. However, with a whole day ahead of me, what is one hour of TV, a bit of time surfing the net, going up the street to shop?

Therefore, I decided for the next week I would test out how I go writing full time. The aim is to get the full 10,000 words everyday, as well as updating my blog (and fixing up those weird formatting issues I had in earlier posts, sorry about those), do some exercise everyday, edit my first novel with the recommendations by the reviewer and prepare it to be sent out into the big bad world of publishers.

I took the weekend off entirely from writing, catching up with my mum on Saturday and my best friend on Sunday, as well as reading lots (getting all inspired by 'Unlimited Power' by Anthony Robbins, though his section on nutrition is atrocious! His argument that drinking water does not hydrate the body it just drowns it, instead what we need to do is eat food rich in water is a little difficult to handle. However, his exercises on mental imagery can be quite useful.) and getting some knitting done while listening to podcasts. Went to bed all ready to start today as the first in a week of focused writing. The plan was/is to test out different strategies and methods.

Woke up not quite so focused, but still got myself out of bed at the time I said I would (it was 8.30, but that is pretty good for me on a holiday). I followed some of Robbins' advice on nutrition just to see (he suggests eating nothing but fruit until midday... I made it an hour before making myself some raisin toast as well, but still, it was an attempt), and did my prayers with a bit of meditation chucked in there. I also tried some breathing exercises Robbins' suggested.

I then sat down to write, planning to do a four hour stint (with my usual break every hour). First hour got just under 2,000 words done, and felt like I had no flow. Then had my raisin toast. Second hour felt easier, but still just got under 2,000 words. Probably didn't need anything else to eat, but got some cheese on corn thins just in case. Third hour got cut in half when I realised I needed to go up to parents' because my dad and sister were arriving back from Sydney and we hadn't done father's day yet. So only did half an hour, and got 1,000 done. Then caught the train up to my parents, and had 45 mins when everyone was away from the house to sit down and do some more. Probably could have written on the train, but decided to knit myself into a meditative state. I also walked home from the station, which should have helped. I got around 1,400 words written before my brother came home and I gave up. Admittedly I did then watch two episodes of TV shows, which I could have spent writing instead, but one of the joys of going to my parents' is that I can catch up on some of the TV I miss by not watching any at my place.

I admit that there might have been another slight motivating factor in going up to my parents' place. My little sister and dad drove down my new car for me! My aunt has upgraded, and instead of trading her car in, she instead has donated it to the Poor Writers Foundation (all donations gratefully received!). It is a 2001 Holden Vectra, which has been kept in wonderful condition. It looks fantastic (drives slightly like an old lady, in that you press down the brake and it asks you 'did you say something, deary?') and it is mine, all mine!

Yes, I have had cars in the past: while living in Japan my brother and I had Gloria, who was amazing (he originally had a Skyline bought before I came over, but it died, like totally. So then we got Gloria). During one of my degrees I ended up with Bud, the Toyota Corolla who was older than I was. I eventually gave him to my sister in exchange for her bike because I was living in the inner suburbs... and they both cost about the same. And no, it wasn't even a particularly good bike. When I lived in the UK I had Sven, the Saab. He was very faithful and I loved him as he was the first car I picked and bought for myself. He also traveled all around England and Scotland with me. But for the past two years I've been carless, borrowing or stealing one off siblings or parents when in dire need, and just riding with shopping bags stuffing up my steering the rest of the time. (Riding a bike with full shopping bags off the handle bars is not as easy as it looks, let me tell you).

My new car is also going to let me go to romantic and inspirational spots within a few hours drive of Melbourne to help me in my writing this week. I will also need to go to the less inspiring VicRoads department to get the registration moved over into my name, and probably have to fork out for a roadworthy, new registration, and insurance. But still, can't complain when the car itself is free.

Possible names at the moment are Vikki, Valerie and Vlad (because it's a Vectra). I want it to be Vlad, but I don't know if I'm just trying to make it more masculine than it really is. Maybe I should just accept and embrace its femininity. Will it drive slower if I call it Vikki?

Now that I've written an ode to my new car, let me get back to talking about writing.

Based on today's efforts, the get straight up and start writing gets words on pages, but does not utilise flow very well. The flow sort of kicked in a bit in the second hour, but the first hour was pretty painful. Of course when there isn't a lot of choice, it is much better than nothing. And for anything less than a three hour writing session, doing much more prep would probably be a waste of time.

I'm also not really recommending eating just an apple to get you going in the morning. Mental effort appears to require a bit more input.

The other methods I want to try out:

1. Getting up super early (like around 5am) writing for a few hours, then sleeping in the afternoon, and writing again until late at night.  I used to do this sometimes with essays, because I found at 5 in the morning I had much less to distract me, and it was so early that my mind didn't register it as early, so I didn't feel all that tired, just in a weird focused state. Also, I love afternoon naps, much better than going to sleep at night.

2. Starting like I did today, but going to the gym first.

3. Try the full Flow Method again.

What I'm looking for:

- ease of writing: ability for mind to just fall into the state where you are no longer focused on forming words etc., but your fingers are just racing to keep up with the images that are playing out in your head.

- speed: I'm looking for over 2,000 words an hour.

At the moment speed is very important, because it's taking most of my spare time to meet my targets, so anything I can do to meet my targets faster would be great.

However, on the days that I have off, ease of writing is also a major blessing. Facing four to five hours of just sitting down and writing is much easier if the writing is coming naturally and you can fall into a meditative state.

That's all from me tonight. Will keep you updated with my test results.

Yours,

Buffy. 

First Experiment of the Awakening Your Genius Method

So, two posts ago I laid out the 'Awakening Your Genius' Method, the purpose of which is to allow all parts of your brain to contribute to your writing and to get yourself into the right mindset to sit down and write. Well, yesterday being my day off from work, I tested out the method.

Overview of my day:
Woke up at 8.30 am. Made breakfast of porridge (with almonds, apricots and coconut, hmmm... delicious. Though I did accidentally make enough for a minor army.)
Now usually I take about half an hour from getting up to sitting down to write, which includes breakfast, some bible reading/prayer time, and recently attempts to improve my meditation abilities.
Yesterday, after making breakfast I pulled out pen and paper and while eating started brainstorming about my story. I will very happily admit that this was super useful. I did this for probably 45 minutes and worked out the next few scenes and planned how much I wanted to write for that day.

Following the method, I then took my drafting and went for a twenty minute walk. I did forget that I was meant to be just watching the story in my mind rather than plotting out how to write it, but otherwise was generally pretty good. Though, as it is almost the beginning of spring, it was an absolutely gorgeous day to be out, the sun was shining, the air was sweet with blossom scent, and I was in my daggy trackies because the method includes shower after walk. Oh well.

Got back and had my shower, then lay down in my spare little study nook to try and meditate.

Wow, I really suck at meditation. I have had good sessions in the past, but this was definitely not one of them. My legs were itchy, and there were some workmen outside my apartment (which is quite freaky as I'm on the second floor, but they are working on the roof next door). I got cold, and kept almost falling asleep, etc. etc.

Now the method states that you should stay meditating until you feel a sudden surge of energy to get up and write, and in a semi sleep walking state, you sit down and write with super power focus.

However, if you can't wait til the surge because you start getting too cold and are falling asleep, it doesn't seem to have the same power.

By the time I sat down to write it was 10.30am. I then wrote for 2.5 hours and got 5,000 words done. (while still breaking every hour to get a new cup of tea, and in this case make sausage rolls for lunch).

The writing session was good, but it wasn't magically so. I've had better flow days. Furthermore, the thing that made it easiest was not my meditative state, but the fact I had said I needed to write these set three scenes, as worked out in brainstorming.

The biggest problem with the method for me was that it took me an extra hour and half before sitting down to write, and didn't get me any extra words. That is 3,000 words I could have written if I had just sat straight down. And by 2pm I felt like I had spent my entire morning writing, while only get half what I should have got done.

In fairness I then read my book for a bit, and had a nap (which turned into about a three hour snooze), and woke up grumpy and groggy. I felt like I had got none of the other things done that I wanted, but still didn't have enough words. This I blamed entirely on the method and not on my mega-nap.

I wrote for a bit more that night, but felt dry and grumpy so went to the gym and then got into bed and knitted while listening to podcasts.

So, general summary of first experiment:
- Brainstorming before hand what to write for that session seems a good idea.
- The walk is just good for you, and so you should do it anyway.
- The meditation thing I think would be better a) if I practised more and b) if I had a blanket so I didn't get cold (but would still have the falling asleep issue). However, it is only of use if you are writing full time. If you only have two hours to write in, I think it's much better to use that time writing.

But I will try again on the weekend.

Tomorrow is my last day of work at my day job for 2.5 weeks! Yah! I've got a week of just plain holiday (though I'm tutoring a uni subject for one of the colleges, so will have to read up on that and go in and teach it: Arab-Israeli Conflict, fun times). The second week, very excitingly, I'm going to be an extra on a new TV series! For all you Australians who have seen Paper Giants, they are making a second one, and I'm going to be in the background of all the Woman's Day office shots! Look out for my amazing 80's fashion and hair. However, shooting is 12-14hours per day, so there is a very good chance I won't get that much writing actually done. Will see if I can make up for it in this coming week.

But, after tomorrow, I'm going to keep trying out the method and see if practising my meditation improves things at all.

Will come back with more data for you to analyse.

Yours,
Buffy.

Awakening Your Genius

So far I have talked about finding your muse as well as working with  your creative youth and judgemental elder. Now it is time to look at you genius and how to put it all together. 

For some writers, I suspect Stephen King based on his discussion in 'On Writing', your muse and your genius are the same thing. It is the part inside of you that is totally beyond your control but brings the goods.

This is not how I'm going to classify these terms. As defined in Buffyworld (Buffyworld is a phenomenon my brother Dave noted many years ago, and it is a very great place to live, though I am not sure what it would be like if other people lived there too, that might just be scary):

Your Muse: is perceived as something external to you that inspires you to write. It might turn up the ideas, or perhaps just the passion for the task.

Your Creative Youth: this concept was developed for me by Dorothea Brande, and describes that creative spirit that is overflowing with ideas and cares not for order and structure, just for creation and freedom. She termed it as part of your unconscious. However, while it is harder to control and does need you to let go of the reigns to fully function, I think it is not quite at the level of the unconscious. Using more pop-psychology, I am starting to think of it as my Right Brain working.

Your Judgmental Elder: this was summarised by Dorothea as your conscious analytical mind. Very useful in the editing stages, and in the general process of getting you to sit down and write even if you don't feel like it. I think this can be viewed as you Left Brain nature, the logical and ordered aspect of your personality. Not so strong in a lot of 'artistic' souls, but can be cultivated and is very necessary for actually producing an end result.

And then there is Your Genius.

This I believe operates at the real subconscious level. It is involved in that moment where the brilliant solution just suddenly appears fully formed in your mind. It sits there and gobbles away at your problems, and given time and opportunity, it will spit back to you an answer.

Now, Dorothea argues that she believes absolutely everyone has some genius in them, some more than others and some are better at accessing and utilising theirs, but still everyone has one. It is a very nice thought, and idealistically I would like to say I agreed. Unfortunately, I know too many people. In reality there are a few people you just meet and think: wow, you have no spark in you whatsoever, do you? Which is nasty, possibly, though often they do not care and think spark is something to be avoided. Is it mean if it's only an insult in your perception? Well, I suppose so, because my intent is still to think less of them. But it does not change the fact that I do believe that most people have a spark of genius, and a very select few might have originally had it, but something horrible in their childhoods, maybe a great aunt with a love of cats and a hatred of little boys, killed that spark.

Given that premise, if you are reading this blog, and have got this far down the page, you are probably interested in writing, and therefore most likely has some spark within you. So, let us work under the happy belief that if you are reading this, you have some genius.

Therefore, the goal must be to utilise this as much as possible. Clearly, the more 'Aha!' moments you have, a) the more exciting your writing will be for you, b) the more exciting it will be fore your reader and c) the less conscious effort you will have to put into trying to be clever. All these are very desirable things.

So how do you get your genius to come to the party? Dorothea presents facilitation of genius in the following formula:

X is to Mind as Mind is to Body, where X is Genius.

Her argument is that to fully engage your mind (youth or elder) you need to still down the demands your body make on your thinking. Either by being completely still or occupied in some routine task such as walking, knitting, chewing etc., gives your mind a chance to focus on the story. I have mentioned her suggestion of wordlessness. In the chapter on genius she brings up two other requirements for the mind to function at its best: rythmical, monotonous.

That is your secret formula for getting the most out of your mind: spend some time in rhythmical, monotonous, wordless motion and your mind can breathe and think. This is useful information and is helping me to rework my 'wordless' time. I recommend some time looking at your pre-writing activities to make sure they fit these concepts.

So, as putting your body onto autopilot helps your mind to think, Dorothea argues that putting your mind onto autopilot allows your genius to take over for a bit. This is supported by the number of times I get great ideas after sleep, or in the shower. The hot water lulls my mind into a semi coma and bam! great solution to my plot problems appears. (No, I do not then jump out and run down the street yelling Eureka. Stop picturing me naked.)

This then leads to the question of how to consciously quieten your mind without having to go to sleep or run up huge hot water bills (especially since my hot water runs out super quickly. Cold shower, not as effective, let me tell you). The key appears to be practicing meditation. Not weird, wacko, leave your body or follow your spirit guide meditation, but the practice of slowing your thoughts down and trying to stay focused on a single thing.

Like a lot of my discoveries, this is something I've felt God has been telling me to do for ages. I started off with scripture memorisation because it forced my mind to be still and focus on only one thing. At the beginning of this year I then tried to move onto meditation, trying to still my mind and focus only on God. Of course, being human, I then didn't really see the point, so did it sporadically until I had basically lost the ability and the sense that I was supposed to keep my mind from wandering. See what God has to work with?

Dorothea describes steps to developing meditation which are reasonably similar to this in practice, though content of course is different.

First she suggests just a simple test; to try to hold your mind as still as your body.

So, right now, close your eyes and try to hold your mind as still as you can, even if for only a few seconds.

How did you go? If this was easy for you, great. If you were not so successful, then that is a useful skill to develop in aid of your writing.

'The best practice is to repeat this procedure once a day for several days. Simply close your eyes with the idea of holding your mind quite steady, but feeling no urgency or tension about it. Once a day; don't push it or attempt to force it. As you begin to get results, make the period a little longer, but never strain at it.' p. 165.

She then goes back a step for those of us that are slow and have difficulty with that.

'Choose a simple object, like a child's gray rubber ball... hold the ball in your hand and look at it, confining your attention to that one simple object, and calling your mind back to it quietly whenever it begins to wander. When you are able to think of the object and nothing else for some moments, take the next step. Close your eyes and go on looking at the ball, thinking of nothing else. Then see if you can let even that simple idea slip away.'  p. 166

That is the basic skill; that you need to relax your mind and give your genius room to move. To apply it to your writing she suggests taking an idea, or a character, and just holding it in your mind and letting your stillness centre around that.

'Presently you will see the almost incredible results. Ideas which you held rather academically and unconvincingly will take on colour and form; a character that was a puppet will move and breathe.' p. 166.

So, this is the last part of the puzzle for putting it all together, the preparation of the artistic mind for creation.

Let us start from the beginning (and so as not to be accused of plagiarism, this is a mixture of Dorothea, Kate Forsyth's advice on Creating Flow, and my own experience/thoughts).

First, you should have an image, a chance phrase, a personal description, something which you consider to indicate you have a book. Take this little spark and spend time blowing on it, brainstorming it out further; fuller descriptions of the characters, charting out possible plots that could include that phrase or image. Dorothea suggests viewing the whole in a pleasant, indulgent mood, seeing what turns up. If you are in the middle of a work, take the scene that you think you will be working on that day. Plot out how far you want to get in the block of time you have set aside for writing. Start building the anticipation for what you will write.

It is then time to give your mind a chance to play with it further. Take the draft with you, and go for a walk around a loop. Not a fast walk, but something that becomes rhythmical and monotonous.  In this time, don't think on how to write the story, but just on being in the story. That is, don't choose words to describe scenes, or think of dialogue tags, but just watch your characters talking or the action as it takes place.

Return home and have something light (not sugary or caffeinated) to eat. Kate suggests something like a banana, which makes good sense. I have found toast too insubstantial, porridge good but can make me want to sleep, and straight protein and vegetables filling without inducing drowsiness (had left over steak on mashed cauliflower for breakfast today, which was pretty good, but some might find having steak that early a bit weird, which I can understand).

Then have a shower or a bath. This does wonders for the body, mind and genius.

Now, find yourself a dark space and lie down, unless prone to falling asleep, in that case trying sitting. Now is the genius' time. First, still the body, then still the mind. As Dorothea commands 'lie there, not quite asleep, not quite awake'.

'After a while - it may be twenty minutes, it may be an hour, it may be two - you will feel a definite impulse to rise, a kind of surge of energy. Obey it at once; you will be in a slightly somnambulistic state indifferent to everything on earth except what you are about to write; dull to all the outer world but vividly alive to the world of your imagination... the state you are in at the moment is the state an artist works in.' p.169

Now, I should put in a disclaimer. I have yet to try the entire sequence. In the morning I have been trying to still my mind a bit before sitting down to write, but don't have time to go for a walk before work. After work I go to the gym, eat then have a shower, but then sit straight down and write because I won't have enough time if I try to brainstorm and then meditate.

However, tomorrow is my day off, so I'm going to test out the entire sequence and see how I go. I can imagine that it would probably improve the more you do it, too. So, will see if I can implement it more frequently.

If anyone else wants to test it out and review it as a method, I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

Until tomorrow night.

Buffy.