What To Do When You Don't Want To Write.

There once was a time, many years ago, when I would write in all my spare time, just to write. My school diary instead of having a list of my homework each day had a new story beginning.

Sadly, that time has passed. There are occasions when I am at work or in the shower, and think 'Man, I really need to write that down now!' And those occasions are great. But tell yourself that you will be getting up two hours before you need to get ready for work to write, and come home from work and after dinner sit down for another two hours to write, every day for the rest of the week, and suddenly the thrill of it seems to be gone.

However, while the thrill might be gone: number of complete novels written through inspiration = 0, number written now through just sitting down and doing it = about 4.5. Therefore, the conclusion obviously isn't to just wait for inspiration to strike. It has to involve a good amount of just sitting down.

So I'm trying to implement some more advice from McDougall's 'Born to Run'. Previously I had been working on Caballo Blanco's advice 'Easy, Light, Smooth', see the post Born to Write. (Yup, have advanced to internal links! Will be going back and putting more in instead of just vaguely saying 'as I've said previously'). Now it was time to take Eric's advice:

p. 259

(just before the final 50 mile race that the whole book has been building up to)

My chest felt tight. Eric worked his way over beside me. 'Look, I got some bad news,' he said. 'You're not going to win. No matter what you do, you're going to be out there all day. So you might as well just relax, take your time, and enjoy it. Keep this in mind - if it feels like work, you're working too hard.'

Basically, I love this advice for three reasons: (I initially said two, but then realised there was a third. Good things always come in threes, like three point sermons, and blocks of chocolate.)

1. The challenge they are about to face is to run 50 miles, which ends up taking McDougall 12 hours. There is no short cut. If you want to do this, this is what it takes. 

2. He puts it all into perspective: you aren't going to win. McDougall's challenge was just to finish the race. My challenge is not to write a perfect masterpiece, that would be trying to win an ultra-race against the best in the world after just a few months training. My goal is to write a draft from beginning to end to see if there is a story there. That's it.

3. However, his advice is not 'if it feels like work, quit' or even 'if it feels like work, try and distract yourself with something else' which is sometimes suggested. Instead, his advice is that you mgiht as well just relax and enjoy it.

For me, I'm getting panicked about word counts per hour, if one hour is behind, I then get flustered and it gets me totally out of the flow, and I'm fixated on every word, etc. etc. I'm working too hard. It's time to just sit back, relax, and write.

So, in light of that, one thing I did tonight was copy all my documents off my little Eee PC, which is super useful for carrying around, but I have to admit that the smaller keyboard did give me more typos. I've now put it all on my nice big Macbook Pro, which has a full sized keyboard, and much nicer button responsivity (yes, computer, I know that is not a word, but I want it to be, so work with me, I am complimenting you after all). 

So, summary of what to do when you don't want to write:

1. Layout the challenge: do you want to write a book or not? If not, walk away now, if so, then it is going to take a long time, and you just have to live with that.

2. Put your current work into perspective: you don't have to write a masterpiece in this sitting, you just have to write.

3. Stop working so hard! Slow down and enjoy the ride.

On my own writing, am back on Book 2 of Castle Innis. Have not finished book 1, but it has had it's chance. I'm going to send it to my alpha reader and see what they think, is it worth finishing off as it is, with a major overhaul, or maybe they'll say not to bother with it and just focus on one of the other 100 drafts I'll have by the end.

Also, in major world stopping news: I've given up chocolate and caffeine.

But how can you be a writer without chocolate and caffeine, you ask?

That is a very good question. I am not yet sure, but will tell you soon.

I had been fooling myself into thinking I was only eating about half a block (yes, a family sized block of Cadbury's, the 220gram ones) a day. Unfortunately, on Wednesday I suddenly realised that I had opened the block only that morning, and by three pm it was completely gone. Worst part of it all, I didn't feel the least full or sick of it.

This was made worse by having weighed myself at the gym on Tuesday... not to give you exact figures, but heaviest I've ever been.

Strangely, spending all your time writing and eating large amounts of chocolate does have negative consequences.

So, since Wednesday I have gone cold turkey on chocolate and caffeine (okay, I'm not quite sure why caffeine got chucked in there, except that I noticed I was starting to drink coffee at work just as a matter of course, and I didn't want to get addicted). I have to admit I accidentally had chocolate on Thursday, as it was part of a dessert so was categorised in my head as 'pavlova topping' not as 'chocolate', but since then I haven't had any at all. (It's now Monday, by the way). This is the longest I've gone without chocolate for ... well, I gave it up for Lent once, but that was a few years ago.

And the most crazy thing is, I don't really miss it. So am taking that as divine help and approval.

If you notice that these blogs start to become weirder and weirder, please notify someone as I've possibly set off a psychotic episode through sudden withdrawal.

(Come to think of it, I did have super vivid dreams on the weekend. I wonder if that is connected? Like the opposite of the cheese effect.)

Good night.

Buffy.

Misguided Beginnings and Finding the True Path

Well, shot myself a bit in the foot, but appear to have been able to limp back. To fully explain, I'm going to leave my entry for yesterday unedited (which I didn't get to post because of internet troubles, but I've worked out a way around it now, I think). And afterwards I'll tell you about today.

Starting from Scratch.

I am sorry Ben, I ignored your advice to my own detriment.

Instead of continuing on with the final book in my trilogy, I decided to start something completely new. Within minutes I realised that these next two weeks are going to be a serious test of my dedication to the challenge.

I started on the next book on the list, which is really the prequel for another story I have wanted to write and have quite a few notes on. All I knew about this story was that it was a historical romance which ended with her escaping from France with him, and them getting married. Not really a lot to go on. I didn't even really have a starting image (I just have the end image of the wedding), so couldn't even begin by describing that and seeing where that led me. (also, these two characters are the parents of my main character in the next book, so don't even know what they are like.)

So I started a few different ways, and realised they were more a brief summary of my main characters, rather than an actual story. So then tried just starting a scene: you come in with him being told by the hostess of the party that uninvited guests are always welcome, when they are my Lord Averley. I thought it would be a debutante party for hopefully my main character, and it is her mother greeting my main guy.

But he couldn't come here for her, because they have not already met. So he's come to meet up with someone else.

That led to secret messages and I soon found that I was in trouble of just making him the Scarlett Pimpernel, who has already been wonderfully written. But I did want him to have a purpose other than being an aristocrat, and decided it would be fun to write an adventure book, that just happened to have a very satisfying romance in there. So, not the Scarlett Pimpernel, what else is sure to involve adventure? Thought about smuggling, but then couldn't think of a way to make sure he was also honourable. So hit on spy. James Bond for the 18^th Century.

I started to write a new opening scene where my main character is escaping from a village earlier that day with secret documents.

Then came the huge problem. What are the secret documents? Who are they from? Why are they secret? I can write with enough detail about English society around that period, as long as I get to stay vague as to what year it is and what is happening other than the Gunning Sisters having been a hit and Mr. Brummel is leading society. But first of all, this was France, and second, if he's going to be a spy, might actually need to know something about politics and international affairs at the time!

This caused me enough angst that I almost threw away the idea. Instead, I went to grab a cup of tea.

On my way back, I glanced at my bookshelf and noticed Matthew Reilly's 'The Seven Ancient Wonders', and thought that archaeology is something I know a bit about and remembered (possibly from Lara Croft Tomb Raider the second movie) that Napoleon was supposed to have mounted a expedition to Egypt. So what if my main characters get in a race with Napoleon to find some ancient Egyptian artefact that would change world history?

I started to read up a bit on Napoleon's expedition, which really just pointed out to me how very little I knew about the period, and so did what any writer does when stuck, went and had a nap.

In my dream I started working out a brilliant story and writing it down, but on waking up realised it wasn't quite as good as I thought it was. (It did involve my main female character passing herself as Chinese, Indian and then French. But totally worked in the dream.)

So came back to the computer and started doing some random history searching for what was happening at the time, which just reinforced that I knew nothing. So tried to continue writing the story as vaguely as possible, thinking that if I got something out, then I could check out the details etc. later. I know this is not the desired way for historical writing, but remember my aim is to write first drafts to see if I like the style, not spend weeks doing research and then finding out I suck at writing action sequences.

So have now been working for many hours, and have a total of just over 3,000 words, which still hasn't really helped me know where to go or even when I'm setting it.

Now I have become caught in an awful time pressured loop: can't write until I have done more research, don't want to do research because I have no idea what I'm writing and can't waste time researching anything that might not be useful.

I still think there might be something in doing a Napoleon race to save the world from Egyptian artefact, but not sure.

I would need to work out how they could actually know anything, since this is really at the very beginning of Egyptology and very little was known. Then I would also have to work out what Ancient Egyptian artefact I was going to get them to find, and its powers.

Though, instead of starting in France, if I start somewhere I know like Oxford, could get myself going before needing to seriously panic. Not much at Oxford has seriously changed in the last three hundred years, I should be pretty good (except for the girls, need to take out the women, of course).

So, the next two weeks are going to be interesting. My biggest fear is that I just won't be able to make myself keep writing when I don't know where I'm going and don't have anywhere near enough research at hand. Can the academic in me let go of the reigns to let the creative youth just make it all up and then in the second draft check out if it all works? Also, I am now 10,000 words behind, if I don't use anything I've done today. So it is going to be a long two weeks, but hopefully fun.

So that was the end of my post for yesterday.

This morning I woke up, had breakfast and sat down to write and got struck by fear. In the night I had thought of a few ideas, a few starts, but it was no good. I realised that my Muse just wasn't with me. He might be with me on the idea in the future, but right now wasn't really interested. He wanted to complete the trilogy I had started. Wrap it all up nice and sound while it was still fresh in my head

(Yes Ben, God agrees with you.)

So I then moved over to my final book (I think), in my Sally Hunt trilogy, and started writing. I knew very little about this one, except of course all the characters. I won't tell you the end of the last book, in case I can convince you to actually read it, but basically it was a bit of a shock, even to me (I thought it was going to happen in this book), and left me starting this book from a totally different place.

However, managed to get 3,400 words done before gone to work and tonight, with full use of the flow (joined a new gym and had a really yummy dinner) I got up to 8,465. So, will need to keep working at the super pace as I'm one 10,000 word day behind, but my Muse has not abandoned me!

Will be interested to see how I manage to wrap it all up. I know there must be something big, but the big thing I was expecting already happened in the last book! So, like all of you, I will just have to wait and see.

And if you think an Ancient Egyptian/18^th Century romance/adventure novel could work, let me know. All ideas welcome. Also, if anyone could suggest any good books to read about the period, that would be great.

Finally, just to let you all know what a sense of humour my God has: have been praying for either a motorcycle (cheap, but fun) or an old MX5 (hey why not be outrageous? I look really good in a convertible, except the end of my nose tends to get sunburnt and then peel, but still). I thought either of these two would add to my eccentric image which I want to cultivate as a writer. What is the point of spending the majority of my time locked away writing if when I come out I don't get to be weird? Well, guess what? Just got given a free Holdon Vectra, circa 2001. Might not be adding to the 'eccentric' element of being a writer, but my inner 'impoverished' writer is loving it. So big thanks to my Aunt Louise! (She is also writing a book, though hers is all serious. But when it comes closer to actually coming out, I'll tell you more.) 

A Tried and True Method for Overcoming Writer's Block

Dorothea came through! Yes, a book written 80 years ago - just as good today as it was then. 

For those of you who didn't read my last post, I was suffering from fear and decided to turn to Dorothea Brande's classic 'On Becoming a Writer' to see if she had any help. 

So, my problem: kept getting stuck editing what I had already written, and couldn't bring myself to write anything new, secretly afraid that the work was weak and the story just wasn't going to hang together.

Then Dorothea explained it all to me.

Ms. Brande discusses the writer's temperament, and argues that to be a writer, the individual needs to cultivate two natures which for ease of identification I am calling the elder and the youth. The elder is the practical side of a writer, which is often neglected in descriptions of great artists, but it is the part that makes you sit down to write when you don't feel like it, and when it comes to the second draft brings in the critical eye, etc. The youth, on the other hand, is the wild, creative genius that comes up with brilliant ideas and cares not for proper grammar, story arc, or such mundane things as whether it is marketable. It cares only for the creative flow and story.

Ms. Brande argues that you need both, need to develop and cultivate both, but also learn when to reign one in and when to allow the other their head.

My problem, according to Ms. Brande, was that I had allowed the elder to step in while I should have still been working in the youth. The elder will always slow down work, because they are worried about how things fit together, searching for a better way, critically examining what is being written. This is fabulous for the second draft, but is of very little use until the youth has completed the first. In editing my work as I went, I restrained the youth, told them to take a back seat and then was surprised when I could no longer find that flare to write.

So today, keeping this in mind, I let my mind run riot. On a number of occasions I caught myself trying to control what I was about to type, maybe find a better word, or go back to that last sentence. I stopped it, held back the elder and told my youth to carry on. And he did (don't ask me why my youth is a male, he just is, and so is my elder. I'm sure psychologists would have a field day with that, but as long as I can keep writing I don't mind). A few times I faulted, but I whispered encouragement to my youth, told him he would not be judged on what he came up with, and just let him go again.

And I got the third chapter completely written. It worked for me fabulously.

Unfortunately, most of the writing I'm going to be doing will be purely in the youth because of the focus on first drafts. I will be lucky if I get one day a fortnight to work in the elder actually editing. Though the elder is also the one that makes sure I actually sit down and write. If I left it to the youth to write when he felt like it, I would be like I was for the last 10 years, without anything to show for my desire to be a writer.

So, for anyone that is feeling stuck and might be suffering the same thing, I highly recommend seeing if you are holding your youth back and trying to write too much with your elder. Elders are not creative, they cannot make a draft, they can only edit it and improve it later.

So, I am now up to 70,050 words! As my first novel was 70,000 (I was entering it into a competition which had a max word limit for young adult entries of 70,000), I feel that I'm doing well. Story-wise I also feel like I'm almost at the end. I just have to write the final scenes. This might take another 10,000 or so words, but we will see.

I currently have a friend from overseas staying, who only has two days to see Melbourne (pah, I say, Pah!) so am going to be spending some time showing her around (and did spend most of tonight catching up, which is why I'm writing and posting so late) but I still have high hopes that I will finish the novel at the latest by Thursday and have Friday to do a read through edit. I will then put it aside and start thinking about the next in the series.

It has started to play on my mind that it might actually be four books. The first one happened over a school term, and I thought this one would take place over two terms, but in fact it has only been one term. So maybe the last one will be two terms, but it wouldn't surprise me now if it was another term itself and then the final one would be the end of the year. But that would be the end of that. Luckily I kept one fortnight free in my planning just in case I did decide to lengthen out one of the series. So not all is lost.

Sleep tight my elder, my youth and my reader.

Yours,

Buffy. 

In Search Of An Answer For Fear Of Writing.

This weekend has been bad for my word count. Saturday I was busy all day, so didn't get anything done. Today, have written maybe 6,000 words, but also cut and edited about 4,000 words. So while the story is much better, don't feel like I've accomplished much word count wise. This is made worse by the fact that I'm sort of stuck. I know I need another action scene for chapter 3 because otherwise I have too much talking between two and four, but there is nothing that needs to happen. I then have pretty much only the last section to write, and I still don't know what is going to happen or where to end. 

However, as I never know where I'm going, what this really means is that I've become afraid. I'm afraid that my story is boring. That it won't have an interesting climatic ending, maybe because my characters don't have it in them. Despite waking me to tell me that the detention scene should be the climatic ending, they haven't as yet told me how. 

I have wondered if this is a symptom of trying to write it too fast, or whether it is just a natural part of all stories?

In search of an answer, I've just started what promises to be a brilliant book on being a writer, as recommended by lots of people. It's Dorothea Brande's 'On Becoming A Writer'. She wrote it in the 1930's, so you can download free copies of it from the web.

The major difference between this and a lot of books on writing, so she promises in her introduction, is that she is not focused on writing technique. She argues that even before you need to worry about any of those types of issues, you need to deal with the psychological problems of actually turning yourself into a writer, a person so reliant on undefinable elements that most are scared off before they can even properly begin. Roadblocks such as mine have no clear way forward, as they sing to the writer that the answer might just be the writer or the story's no good, or that the writer doesn't have what it takes so should stop now.

This appears to be the perfect book at the perfect moment. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to read it because I've been busy going over my own work.

So, I'm going to take the rest of tonight off, I'm going to read some of what Dorothea has to say and tomorrow I'm going to start on the new scenes that I need. I am not going to go over any more of my old work until I have finished all that I have to write. Then, hopefully, I will have a day or two before the end of the week in which to look over it. If not, I'll move onto the next one and just hope that I get it done on time.

I will summarise anything I learn from Dorothea (yes, I do just love saying the name) in a following post.

Good night and sleep tight.

Buffy.  

1st July: Day 1 of the Preparation Period

To start with, in case you were thinking I had forgotten about the blog for a few days, I want to clarify and establish the ground rules now. When I said 'everyday' I actually meant 'every-working-day'. I aim to have something up so that when you wake up Monday-Friday there will be an exciting and dramatic post for you to read (and when I write 'post' my computer thinks I actually want to say 'post-resurrection', which seems slightly presumptuous of it, I don't talk about theology ALL the time). I'm not suggesting that most of you happen to only read my blog as procrastination from work. I wouldn't suggest that at all. I'm quite happy to just state it. Most people read blogs when they should be working. I don't expect my blog to be any different, and I appreciate that you read it at all.

So, I'm writing this Sunday night, for you to read Monday morning.

It is Sunday 1^st July, 2012.

It is the beginning of a new financial year, and also the beginning of my challenge.

Yesterday I went to bed quite excited. I had spent time writing up all the things I would need to do in my first two weeks of preparations. I also had gone to the library and got out lots of books on everything, and even started a few of them.

Today I woke up and refused to get out of bed.

A bleak horror started to filter into my soul over what I had set myself up to do. I started to whimper and hid my head under the blankets. I grabbed one of the books I got for pleasure and tried to escape, which worked sporadically until I would come back to myself and find the fear had crept in a bit further.

Even the need to pee didn't get me out of bed, I must not have drunk enough the night before.

Eventually I used a mixture of bribing, guilt and negotiation. If I got up and got dressed, I could have fish and chips for breakfast/lunch (it just so happens that the shop voted by Nova radio station as the best fish and chips in Melbourne is right around the corner from me). I would get up and get dressed, but I wasn't going to have a shower and that would show the world. Once I got up and dressed, I would go shopping, eat my fish and chips, perhaps have a nap, and then start on my preparations. Over 6 hours later, I started my preparations. So it worked, sort of. 

What are these preparations I hear you say. I'm glad you asked. Along with my mental preparations, such as finding my muse, I realised that if I wanted to spend 4 hours a day (at least) writing as well as holding down a job (I'm dropping down to just 10.30-5pm 4 days a week, but I still need to factor getting ready for work, getting to work, not being able to stay in my trackies all day... serious things my friend), spending some time on practical preparations is not wasted.

So, this is what I worked out I needed to do:

1. Work out a daily routine – one for days I work and one for days I don't – and in these two weeks, test them out, adapt as necessary.


2. Write out a timetable of which books I would be working on in each two week period.


3. Write out a chart that I could keep tally of the word counts so I can encourage myself that I'm actually getting somewhere.


4. Start a file for each book which includes: a brainstorming session where I pour out as much as I can about what I currently see that book being, create some mind-maps to expand the range of ideas, write up possible character descriptions, etc.


5. Create a list of books which I think are like each one of my novels, go buy them so I can read them for inspiration as I write. (If I haven't mentioned, the books that I want to write range across a wide variety of styles, so I will need help changing over to each new type.)


6. Very practical: prepare a whole lot of meals for the freezer (you will come to learn how much I love my slow-cooker).


7. Start reading and listening: in the genre I'm writing in, on writing in general, on motivation and self-discipline... anything that helps.


8. Go through past notebooks and documents for other possible story ideas.


9. Get plenty of sleep and start building up the exercise again.


10. Go through my apartment and test out possible writing spots. (I usually write in bed or on the couch, bed being my favourite. But it does make going to sleep quite difficult because my mind is all alive. I'm currently testing out actually using my study. It's not that bad, might make a few adjustments, but this might work. Though sitting up does hurt my back after a while. Hmmm...)


11. Spend time with God. (This is important for me for a number of reasons: I get most of my self-discipline and encouragement from God, I also get corrected on a lot of my theology by reading my Bible and other inspirational works, and as my Muse, spending time with God gives me new ideas and places to go. Then there is just the pure relational aspect. People say that writing is a very lonely business, but as I always have a constant companion it never seems that bad.)

So, for the next week or two, I'm going to be working through this list and getting everything ready. I will try to save you from the boring bits, but fill you in on all the neat tricks I learn along the way.

I'm currently thinking that I will actually only take one week of prepare now and just focus on the next six months, and then take the other week at the beginning of the new year to prepare for the six months after that. And if the whole things crashes and burns, I will know one week earlier.

Eventually I'm hoping I'll be able to write full time, but for the foreseeable future, I have to work enough to pay all my bills at least, which is quite annoying as I'll still have all the bother of work, but also still be dirt poor on spending money. But at least I won't be evicted.

I have this week off from work, as we have had a hugely busy period for the last few months and am a bit burnt out. This nicely gives me time to prepare, but means I also need to put some effort into recovering.

If anyone has advice on other preparations I should be making, I'm open to all suggestions!

And just to finish, on this first day of the writing challenge I have friends and two live plants.

I'm hoping by the end I can still say the same along with 100 first drafts.